I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
