someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
