FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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