i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
