i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
