I got chris browned last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
