Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
