I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize