hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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