i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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