she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
