So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize