I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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