first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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