people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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