Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
