Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
