How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
