I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
