i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
