maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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