you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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