Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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