Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
