3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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