my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
