let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
