dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
