when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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