From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
