look no pants
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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