what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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