the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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