You made me cry and you don't even care
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
