Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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