What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
