He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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