now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
