Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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