If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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