I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
