You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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