A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
