I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
