i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
