youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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