what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
