does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
