pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
