can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
