Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
