I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
