Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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