That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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