just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
