i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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