the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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