Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
