were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
