I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize