I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
