I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He kissed a someone with a penis
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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