if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize