I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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