my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize