i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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