omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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