Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
