yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
