Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
