OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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