He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
