I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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