if you like me you must not know who I am
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
